Why Don’t We Talk About Miscarriage?

Miscarriage is a grief often carried in silence. It reshapes the heart, and too often it remains unseen in our communities – including our churches. For many women and men, the ache is not only the loss itself, but the absence of words, prayers, and support when we need it most. 

Through writing my book, Christ’s Passion, my hope is that it can open doors for parents to find comfort and connection. It was created delicately as a gift, with words that leave space for your own reflections. They carry a raw honesty and delicate wisdom that invite you to walk gently through grief. 

There's something deeply personal when someone takes the care to give a gift after miscarriage. Some may have an ultrasound picture or two, but many will have only a positive pregnancy test, or nothing at all. We have no memories made with our child – no first hold, no birthdays – only the ache of longing for those opportunities to create those precious moments. So giving a gift – something tangible, something lasting – invites those grieving to be seen, and to know their grief is deep. It brings warmth and comfort, reminding us that our children are real, loved, and worthy of tender acknowledgement.

It's a gift you can give another, or even yourself – with space to write your baby's name, humanising such a devastating loss and honouring their place in your story. My prayer is that it can be given quietly, passed from one heart to another, offering comfort without overwhelming the receiver. 

But how can I get this book to women in need? I felt led to reach out to a women’s conference, believing it could be a place where many hurting hearts might be met. Their response was kind, but they told me the topic was ‘too sensitive’ for such a large gathering. 

So, I turned to a smaller women’s ministry group, thinking perhaps a more intimate setting would be the right place. Yet there, too, the door closed. The leader felt it wasn't something she could support. 

Two different settings – one large, one small – and both fell silent. And I was left asking: If not here, then where? If not among God’s people, then how will women find the comfort and support they need? 

This is the silence I want to call out. Miscarriage isn't rare, and we should be able to talk about it. Those hurting need compassion. Yet when both the big and small places fall quiet, women and men are left to carry their grief alone. Surely, we can do better? We need to get out of our comfort zone and notice those grieving and walk alongside them.

Loss changes you. And what makes it even harder is when people say they care, but there's no real follow through. It leaves you feeling like your baby didn't matter, like she or he was forgotten before anyone even said their name. That silence can make you feel invisible – like you're not worth the effort and such loneliness only deepens the ache.

But Christ Himself enters our suffering. He carries both our sorrows and our hopes. When we speak of miscarriage we face the reality of loss. We also make room for God’s presence to come close. My prayer is that we begin to open these spaces – to speak gently and honestly, and to remind one another that no grief is too small or too private for God’s love.

And to those of you who have walked this path – I see you: mums and dads, grandparents and siblings. I see the love you carry, the ache that remains, and the courage it takes to keep going. You are not forgotten.

If you're part of a church or support group and would like me to come and speak at your women’s group, I'd be honoured to discuss whether this could be an option. My heart is to reach those truly hurting in silence. 

Please share this post with friends and loved ones who may need comfort. Together, we can create places of honesty and connection, where grief's acknowledged and love is truly lived. 

About the Author 

Heide is a wife and mother, author and poet whose writing offers gentle comfort in grief and quiet reminders of God’s love. Her book Christ’s Passion was created as a gift – full colour, with heartfelt graphics and sacred Scripture – inviting both reflection and connection. Through her words, she seeks to honour grief, encourage hope, and remind others that God’s presence meets us gently in our sorrow.

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