Why Don’t We Talk About Miscarriage?

Miscarriage is a grief often carried in silence. It reshapes the heart, yet too often remains unseen in our communities – even in our churches. For many women and men, the ache is not only the loss itself, but the absence of words, prayers, and support when we need it most. 

Through writing my book, Christ’s Passion, my hope is that it can open doors for parents to find comfort and connection. It was created delicately as a gift, with words that leave space for your own reflections. They carry a raw honesty and delicate wisdom that invite you to walk gently through grief. 

There is something deeply personal when someone takes the care to give a gift after miscarriage. Some may have an ultrasound picture or two, but many will have only a positive pregnancy test, or nothing at all. We have no memories made with our child – no first hold, no birthdays – only the ache of longing for those opportunities to create those precious moments. So giving a gift – something tangible, something lasting – invites those grieving to be seen, to know their grief is authentic and deep. It brings warmth and comfort, reminding us that our children are real, loved, and worthy tender acknowledgement. 

It is a gift you can give another, or even yourself – with space to write your baby’s name, humanising such a devastating loss and honouring their place in your story. My prayer is that it can be given quietly, passed from one heart to another, offering comfort without overwhelming. 

But how can I get this book to women in need? I felt led to reach out to a women’s conference, believing it could be a place where many hurting hearts might be met. Their response was kind, but they told me the topic was ‘too sensitive’ for such a large gathering. 

So I turned to a smaller women’s ministry group, thinking perhaps a more intimate setting would be the right place. Yet there, too, the door closed. The leader felt it wasn’t something she could support. 

Two different settings – one large, one small – and both fell silent. And I was left asking: If not here, then where? If not among God’s people, then how will women find the comfort and support they need? 

This is the silence I want to name. Miscarriage is not rare, nor is it unworthy of compassion. Yet when both the big spaces and the small spaces fall quiet, women and men are left to carry their grief alone. Silence does not heal. Silence leaves hearts aching in isolation. 

But Christ Himself entered our suffering. He carried both our sorrows and our hopes. To speak of miscarriage is not to dwell in despair, but to acknowledge the reality of loss and to invite God’s presence into it. My prayer is that we begin to open these spaces – to speak gently and honestly, and to remind one another that no grief is too small or too private for God’s love. 

And to those of you who have walked this path – I see you, mums and dads. I see you, grandparents and siblings. I see the love you carry, the ache that remains, and the courage it takes to keep going. You are not forgotten. 

If you are part of a church and would like me to come and speak at your women’s group, I would be honoured to discuss whether this could be an option. May God use me as a vessel to speak into the uncomfortable spaces, to reach those truly hurting in silence. 

Please share this post with friends and loved ones who may need comfort. Together, we can create places of honesty and connection, where grief is acknowledged and love is truly lived. 

About the Author 

Heide is an author and poet whose writing offers gentle comfort in grief and quiet reminders of God’s love. Her book Christ’s Passion was created as a gift – full colour, with heartfelt graphics and sacred Scripture – inviting space for reflection and connection. Through her words, she seeks to honour grief, encourage hope, and remind others that God’s presence meets us tenderly in our sorrow.

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