For the Fathers Who Grieve

So often, when miscarriage is spoken of, the focus rests on the mother’s grief. Yet fathers carry their own ache – quiet, often unseen, and sometimes set aside. It was their baby too. Many dads pour their strength into supporting their beloved, but in doing so, their own sorrow can be overlooked. To every father of loss: your grief is real, your disappointment matters, and you are not forgotten. 

There is a silent expectation that dads will be ‘the strong one.’

Strength, however, does not erase sorrow. Many fathers live out this role by keeping busy, picking up the extra load – which is a genuine need, but can also serve as a distraction from grieving themselves. It is possible to hold both – to stand steady for another while carrying your own ache inside. Some fathers long to talk about their loss, while others grieve privately, finding it more fitting to carry their sadness alone. Both ways are valid. What matters is that their grief is acknowledged, not dismissed. And even in the midst of this quiet ache, many fathers hold onto the hope of seeing their child again. 

To grant those who mourn in Zion, 

Giving them a garland instead of ashes, 

The oil of gladness instead of mourning, 

The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. 

So they will be called oaks of righteousness, 

The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. 

Isaiah 61:3 

This is God’s heart for fathers too – to exchange disappointment for dignity, to plant strength where grief has hollowed, and to remind them that they are made in His image. And there is hope beyond this broken world: little ones are unable to reject the goodness of God, and I believe they go directly into the arms of our Creator, never to suffer the pain of this life. 

This is not a choice for young children or those intellectually incapable, as it is for us. This is a mystery we hold in faith, trusting God’s compassion and grace. In eternity, we hold to hope of reunion. As David said of his own child, “But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:23 

To the fathers who grieve: may you find healing in His presence. May you know that your child’s life, however brief, is honoured. And may you be assured that your love is seen, your loss is real, and your place in the story of grief is worthy of tender acknowledgement. 

Fathers may not always have words for their grief, but love itself speaks. The very ache you carry is testimony to the bond you hold with your child. Even in silence, your fatherhood is real, and it is honoured by God. 

About the Author 

Heide is an author and poet whose writing offers gentle comfort in grief and quiet reminders of God’s love. Her book Christ’s Passion was created as a gift – full colour, with heartfelt graphics and sacred Scripture – inviting space for reflection and connection. Through her words, she seeks to honour grief, encourage hope, and remind others that God’s presence meets us tenderly in our sorrow.

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